It's Stolen and I Know It

Fakers, Fakers, every where,

And all these men did lie;

Fakers, Fakers, every where,

And one deserves a punch to the eye.

I have a singular hatred for individuals claiming military service when they have never served. I have a even greater loathing for those claiming to be prior Special Forces, or Tier-1 Operators when they never were. It's become a mission of mine, to an extent of course, to hunt these dick-magnets down, out them, and generally make their life hell.

I present to you Curtis Lynn

Curtis holding his Browning M1906 .30 cal prior to storming Omaha Beach.

Whilst playing a round of ArmA II online I came across this low-speed, high-drag individual on a TS3 server I frequent. Introductions were made, hello's exchanged, and current and prior service stories ensued. Shootin' the shit as it were, I asked what branch he'd served in and what his prior MOS was. He then stated he was former SF, a 18B to be exact, and was formerly 5th Group out of Campbell. Alright matey, AWESOME! Of course I'm AD Army and have more than a passing familiarity with ODA and Fort Campbell (that's where I attended Air-Assault School).

Unless that person is in uniform, on Post, and that Tab is visible on his left shoulder, this "I was/am Special Forces" typically throws up a Red Flag for me.

Luckily a friend of mine (we'll call him Gordo) was also in attendance that night. Gordo has spent a lot of time working closely with Group over the years, and Curtis' statement also peaked his interest. We began our questioning with simple topics such as - What Team were you on? What was your SFAS class number? What were your CO and 1SG's names? None of these were answered. All of these queries were meet with dead silence, trailing off, or supposed COMM problems. I even asked him where the Class-Six was. That's the liquor store for all you civies out there. Dead silence again. I'm sorry, but every Soldier on every military instillation knows exactly where the fuckin' booze store is at!

At this point I knew we had a faker, I just had to do a little digging.

I was provided with his address (I won't be disseminating it). That was more than enough to get the ball rolling. In my research I learned that he was currently living in Anchorage Alaska, is currently employed by Pitney Bowes, and spent a total of four years in the Army. First and foremost, anyone that has completed their entire SF training regimen is going to have a extension placed upon the current contract they hold. That means they usually serve 6 years or more on AD. This is due to the length of training they undergo such as; SPOC, Selection, the Q Course, DLI, etc. etc. Right then and there is a major hole in his story.

He should probably add Lying Asshole to his work history.

I submitted everything I had at the time to a buddy that has contacts in Special Forces. Below is a portion of that email.

Just talked to ******** and he can't find anything on this guy. He even checked a few places you wouldn't be able to get to. Hell, ******** was at 5th Group in '99 and that guy's name doesn't ring a bell. His first thought was this guy is BS simply by the way he dodged questions.

Whether Active, Reserve, Guard, Retired, or just plain out, this small elite community maintains connections and databases that I just don't have access to. If he wasn't able to find a mention of Curtis anywhere in the "SF Club", then he was never an alumni.

I'm still digging around and have filed a FoIA request for his Page 1 and 2 of his DD-214 to determine his actual previous duty status. I'll continue updating as more information trickles in.

I don't know what it's called; I only know the sound it makes when it lies!